today, once again, it hits me.
i fail. in every aspect.
too many nos, why nots, maybe, excuses said and done, expectations and let downs, the taken for granteds, those ''i'll be there always'', the tantrums thrown, taken that they will be swallowed down.actions not thought of, no willpower. sharp things said, insensitivity.
i fail. in every aspect.
too many nos, why nots, maybe, excuses said and done, expectations and let downs, the taken for granteds, those ''i'll be there always'', the tantrums thrown, taken that they will be swallowed down.actions not thought of, no willpower. sharp things said, insensitivity.
why cant i just step into his shoes for once. just once once once.
so now when everythings left in a trailing blaze of mess, i have only myself to blame.
the feeling of hopelessness and all is lost, and not knowing what to do, what to say.
and when i just wanna curl up and die or end it somehow, and i feel like shit cause i start thinking and thinking about the various reasons and ways and ppl. and then the feeling of selfishness kicks in. and because you know how the hearts a fragile thing but how at the same time feelings make it selfish or is it the mind that's making it selfish but either way it doesn't matter much if you don't share it around but how can you when you're afraid of your heart getting hurt and the other party getting hurt and when you want the best of both worlds and you want two cause it's something impossible so it's stacked on an impossible pedestral to ever achieve and so things are just hanging there.just being a total fuck by crying by using emotions and ways to express your feelings like how you cry when you wanna scream and how you laugh when you really wanna die.
to relieve the tightness inside, the pain, the hurt.
JINLONG,