AHH HELL.
so freaking disappointed.
all the hard works and efforts for nothing.
guilty guilty guilty.
because of me.
should have learnt to control my anger better last time.
shouldn't have caused so many troubles in school.
AHHHHH.
why does it always take such a hard knock before i wake up?
and most times..i fall right back into a slumber again.
when will i ever learn.

the pain the pain the pain.
their tears.
and everyone's hopes and despair.
i brought it all upon them..
should have learnt..should have learnt.

trapped.in situations we can't control.

i'm sorry.
i really truly am.

but im just grateful for even being able to perform in class 4F.
with the really coorperative audiences.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
it meant alot.
knowing that at least.. our efforts did not go down the drain..
although it was pretty screwed. *oops*
we had loads and loads of fun. (:

AHs.
& im dreading graduation night already.
can't bear to even think that we will not be ableto see each other everyday after that.
)):
arhs. don' let it come that fast.
this bunch of sec fours have been the greatest ever. (:
OUR ENERGY LEVEL.
WOAH! high like anything. ((:

and we have learnt to treasure our teachers more than ever.
ehhs. at least SOME lahs. ((:
hahaha.

& HOLIDAYS!
as much as i would really really like to have fun and just enjoy.
i know its not possible.
because this is supposed to be a time for me to catch up on my studies.
i need it.
but damn. how to start.
APPREHENSIVE.

oh wells. have got to stop thinking and just get down to doing it.
its the actions that counts.

my apologies,
JinLong

HAVENT BEEN HERE IN A LONG LONG LONG TIME. ((:

AHA!

MINI UPDATEs. (:

busy with prelims,dance and SWIMMING!
ACTUALLY, im just kidding.
im not really busy with prelims and im NOT swimming.
just that try listening to 'the river' everyday. HAHAHA. super lame today. =.=
(((:

EH! but at least i dont fall asleep during exam now ok?
(((:
ahh.
but math was a major cock up.
try so hard. ZZZ. DID NOT FREAKING SLEEP AT ALL! (((:
and yet only did 18 marks worth of questions. ))):
bet im gonna get a single digit again luh.
SUPER IRRITATING!

and CHINESE!
DARN.
i thought 'XI YUE' was surprise in english..
SO i wrote about a surprise party.
AHHHH!! hope teacher will be lenient. ):

HYPERACTIVE THIS FEW DAYS.
DANCE!
WHEEEEE. lets SOAR!! GOGOGO!!
and BAND. lets play as good as good charlotte.
EHHHS. TRY. (((:
JIAYOU!! (:


and i respect AKON! ((:
he is really brave luh.
and he doesnt try to push the blame.
SALUTEs. (:

EHHH! i rarely salute ppl hor! ((:


& i dont know..
maybe i might not wan to study after this anymore.
IM SCARED CANNNNN. ))):
FIRST TIME.
GRRRRRRRS.
HELP ME.

AIYAYA!


KILL MATHS. and chem and physics.



OH. and HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY CHIA MING XUAN. (((:
LOVE YOU LOADS. (((:

BYEEEE. (((:



forget. forgot. forgottened.

LADALADALADA! ((:
D-LANGUAGE LOVES.

(((:
CRAPS!

ahahaha.
STUDY MADNESS.
(((:


cant get physics,chem and maths though.):
AHH!


ALL THE BEST EVERYONE!! (((:

OHMYGOD.
'SECRET' IS LIKE DARN DARN DARN GOOD LUH!
its now my facourite movie..also harry potter of course.
HAHA!
jay chou is soooo freaking adorable!
and so bloody talented.
that movie is PERFECT.
it really blew me away.

I LOVE JAY CHOU!!!
and wentworth miller(too bad he's gay) ,
edison chen,
and the entire cast of harry potter!

HAHA. im greedy. xD

the next thing i want is the DVD of 'secret'!!

damn. i am IN LOVE with that movie.
its just so darn good..
(((:

watched 'secret' with xuan, matt, ting, chong and bao. ((:

one more reason i like 'secret' is because of its rich emotions.
damn. its so sad..and yet so funny at the same time.

AHHHHHHHH!!!
I DAMN DAMN DAMN LOVE THAT MOVIE!

won't mind watching a second time. xD

alrights!
im tired.
):
studied til 5 in the morning with wei ling and shawn.
(((:
BYEEEEEEEEe.

MOTIVATE!
GOGOGO!
CANT GIVE UP.
GRRRRRRR.

''YAO JING YA GEN,BA QI MAO''
ermms... at least. i think its something like that.
in english its supposed to mean.. BITE AND BEAR WITH IT!
lols. but u cant trust someone who got c6 for chinese right?
HAHAHA.

AH WELLS.
FORGET EVERYTHING ELSE.
forget him. he is just not worth it. ((:
well..at least thats what i am telling myself.

GRRRRRS.
and i have to rid myself of the bad habit of not being able to write FULL PARAGRAPHS.
dont wanna get c6 for english too.


CHOCOLATES. (:
comfort food.
&after this. im sooo gonna put on weight. )))):

OHS.
& i realised i can never type in full sentences. -.=
LOLs.
weird..

living a lie.

all that crap about me wanting to study.
DARN.
just cant seem to do anything at all.
picked up chem book last night.
but my brain just could not absorb anything at all. NOTHING!
wtf?
even tried doing chinese comprehension.
and lit.
but nothing. NOTHING could go in.

ARGHHH.
irritated like anything.
damn pissed.


stumped for words. AGAIN.
can things get any worser?

yes. im just being me again.
MELO-DRAMATIC.

whatever.
cant seem to be bothered.
GRRRRR.
i need something to keep my mind off..

& over sensitive.
HOPEHOPEHOPE and HOPE.
dont let it be true. ):

and im speaking in riddles!
hahaha.
noone can understand what im talking about. zzz.
fine.its best like this anyways.

zzzz.
GO.GOING.GONE!

alright. (:
enough of the self-reproaching and everything else.
SO SICKENING.
oh wells.
i guess my wake up call is finally truly here.
the truth i tried hiding before my eyes.
i most definitely DO NOT want the rest of my O'LEVEL subjects to end up like this. =X
AH WELLS!
time to really put my heart and soul and study like i have never done before..

ARGHHHH.
and it has to take me this long to realise this.

anyways..
eng oral yesterday was alright. (:
examiner was cute like anything. and head is shinier than a polished silver.
but still. they were both really nice luh. (:




its time to be a big girl now..
gotta grow up overnight.

got back our chinese O'level results today.
felt strangely calm just before i went up to get my results. perhaphs because i already knew i did badly..
but still.. i held that tiny tinge of hope that i could have AT LEAST gotten a b4.
HOW FOOLISH!
when i saw my results,i managed to laugh..just barely...forcing myself to laugh and joke about my pathetic results was somehow more difficult than i expected it to be..
i wanted badly to cry..
but i asked myself,what right do i have to even cry?
None at all.
my result today is the result of my own doing..or should i say...undoing. .
retaking the exam is not an option now.. but even after retaking,does it neccesarily mean that i might get better results?
it might just be a waste of time and money again.
but i've got no choice.. haven't i...?

is it all going to be like that?

im disappointed in myself more than anything.
DAMN IT.
this is THE O'LEVEL im talking about.
whats wrong with me??


and why?
WHY?
WHY?
WHY do you have to come talk to me when i have decided to forget everything?
when i finally set my heart on forgetting you..
you ALWAYS have to come back..
and than leave me yearning for more.
my heart hurts like anything.
but you don't know..do you...?
but just seeing your msgs makes me smile.
only YOU can make me feel like a small kid all over again,wanting/needing her fathers approval and recognition..or yours,in this case.


feeling so helpless all over again..
so lost.
i don't know what to do about my studies..
my future.
him..
and everything else..


im feeling so tired.
& i'm really sorry..for not cherising the past.

NEW BLOGSKIN! ((:
more positive. LOLS. (:
LUV IT!

BUT THE WORDS ARE SMALL LIKE ANYTHING.
how to change???

(((:
LOVES!

WHOOOOOOS!!
i love shopping sprees. xD
bought loads of stuffs just now. (;
AM VERY HAPPY. ((((:


BUT my muscles aching like anything luh. )):
after yesterday's super HIONG sport. AHAHAH!
its killing me. ):

studied LITERATURE! wahahaha. xD
HOW came over to my house overnight last night.
HAHA.

back to school tomorrow. (((:
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. ((:

WHEEES! (((:
im sunburnt. HAHA!
red like lobster..pain like anything..
hahas. BUT IM HAPPY! (cause im not the worst off.. KIDDING! :PPP)

SENTOSA-ed yesterday (:
with cass,mav,dex,alx,bry,wx,nor and jz.(:
day was funny like anything.
first thing in the morning when we met up,this indian security guard at the mrt station came and KP us. irritating like hell.
hahas. but we played along with him and it was super funny luh.
the whole day was pretty rush cause we had to go to church after that.
but i had loads of fun . ((:

sports today!
MINI ROUNDERS WAS SUPER FUN.
although super stressing. HAHA.
had fun. ((:
SHOES though. ):

ARGHHHH.
that WAN QI!
how i hope i can AVADA KEDAVRA her.
GRRRRRRr..
NONONO! i must CRUCIO her first! THEN avada kedavra.
LOL.
first time i hate someone soo soo soo much.
the things she does. GAWD! fucked up like hell.

ARGHH. forget it.

so many conflicts this few days,its so saddening. )):
i really hope everything and everybody can actually put aside their differences and work it out..
POLITICs. )):
ahh wells.
lifes like that.
i just hope they won't regret it in times to come..


the decision is hard to make.
but i have to force myself to do it..
if not,i will never be truly happy.
& i really am not suitable..believe me..
so many things going on.
it sucks..
and yet.. the smile has to be plastered on.. whats the point..??

i can.. and i will.

AND I FORGOT!

BEWARE KARMA!
WAN QI!
karma will turn and hit you when you least expect it!
do what you like now. harm him. hurt him.
YOU WILL GET YOUR JUST DESERTS!
WATCH OUT!
I HATE YOU.
i never thought anyone could be so despicable.
aparrently, you proved me wrong!
you are so lowdown,you bring shame to all woman.
DANG YOU.
YOU SLUT.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE AND WONG JIN JYUE.((:
LOVE LOADS. ((((:


AND GREAT!
the date of my cousin's wedding and prom had to clash. ):
OF SO MANY DAYS,they had to be on the same day. )):
life works in the weirdest way..
sadness. )):

OH WELLS.
found a blogskin i liked. ((:
SHALL CHANGE REALLY SOON! ((:
((:

BYE PEEPS! ((:

OHS!
and have i mentioned that im starting to fall in love with SOCCER !
((:
esp. ALL FEMALES TEAM. (:

but of course. basketball and volleyball is still my first love. (:
but that doesn't mean im good at it.
LOLS! (((:

GRRRRRR...
i plain hate the school.
damn it.
cabbed to school but still got sent home.. for the don't know how many !@#$(*%&!)(*#$*&#@$ time.
waste my TIME and MONEY.
why cant i stay IN the school like hogwarts?
GRRR. plain irritating.

and i have yet to know my chinese O'lvl results. ))):
craps. PURE NERVES. )):


viewing blogskins..
and NONE catches my eyes.
oh wells. taking my time.(((:

BYEEEEEEEEE~


im contented with life th way it is. (:

first of all..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!! (((:
and HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY BAOZHEN AND LIPMIN! (((:
MANY LOVES and had GREAT fun yesterday. ((:
baozhen: hope you liked the surprise yesterday. hahas. must thank your sis. ((: one year older..may you be sweeter than ever and MATURE faster. hahaha. ((: LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
lipmin: thank you for yesterday! it was great fun. hahas. i love playing with you because you are so much fun to be with. hahas. AND i especially love teh-ing your....HAHAHA! ((: MUCH LOVES!

and my hair. ))):
DARN. my fringe is SHORT like anything. ):
i want my old fringe back. )):
urggh. its gonna take an UBER LONG TIME to grow luhs. )):
so now i am stuck with this lousy hair..

today i wore jeans!! after don't know how many !@#)&$#*@)(*!@# years luh!
lols. felt so weird!LOOKED so weird/ but it was comfortable. hahas. ((:
maybe i may just wear jeans more often. ((:


BACK TO THE SUBJECT OF HARRY POTTER.
DAMN! i think i hate the movie ''HARRY POTTER and the order of the phoenix" now.
crap.. its so so so different from the book loh! the book is like so much better.
and book 7 is so sad. ):
so many people died.
and i love severus snape! (:
even though he looks creepy and has greasy hair. HAHA!
he is one super complicated person but he is one guy i know that is FAITHFUL! (:
and also.. QUITE selfless. hhahas. he could give up his life for harry even when harry is the son of his love rival and the man that used to bully him..
I ALSO LOVE HERMIONE,RON,GINNY,NEVILLE,LUNA,FRED,GEORGE and everyone else in the order of the phoenix. (: they are all living examples of very very very good friends who stand by each other in times of troubles and are willing to sacrifice themselves. neville is such a blur and yet brave character that makes him so endearingly lovable. luna's weirdness makes her super cute and fred and george can make even the most moody person laugh. ron and hermione..need i go on? they are the best! (:
and the main character.. HARRY POTTER!((((: so brave..and although quite domineering at times..he is still the best! ((:
until now.. i stil cant get over sirius black's death. ): if there is one character that i want to bring back..i would choose sirius.. and maybe dobby. i feel that somehow..dumbledore's death is essential for the book. even though i don't like it. ):
BUT. the person i absolutely love love love most is J.K.ROWLING. she is so darn talented! her books are fantastic! but somehow..book seven is abit too rush. i would rather she talk more about what happened nineteen years later. hahaha. and KREACHER! that grumpy character is so cute. she should have mentioned him and also luna. maybe luna could have married neville? hahaha. i am a hopeless romantic.. but still. i am happy and contented. (((:
i love all harry potter series.(((:
and now...i am waiting for the last two movies. ((((:

bored with my blogskin.
CHANGING VERY SOON! ((:


i have let go.
no point holding on to that pathetic shred of hope.
so i am going to channel that kind of determination to my studies. ((:

THANK YOU. ((;


ah wells...school! ))):
i'd rather learn magic anytime. xD
STUPEFY! ((((:
and my favourite... EXPECTO PATRONUM!
i want mine to be winnie the pooh. LOLS!
imagine..severus snape sucha great big brute with something as cuddly and adorable as a doe. -.=
quite sweet actually. hahas.


oh wells. PSPSST zzzzPSSSSTT sszzzsss(that is actually "GOODBYE and much loves" in parseltongue. xD )