What You See Is What You Get :D

came back from church.
haven't been to the church for like AGES.
and todays message was super touching luhs.
i really did try. but still...
and tears spilled.
thought of alot of things in church.

oh wells. i believe in karma.
and retribution.
so whatever i did, i would be punished for it.
and i will take it bravely.

and things are plain crazy now.
and not in a good way too.

REPLY TO TAGS:
NIGEL> AHAHA! funi arhs? lmao. hahaha.

XUANN> okok. hahaha. tuition is FUN! xDD =) hahas.

AMES> lame luhs. i like ames cookie more than **** hahaha. LOLs. =))) okok. take your time. hahas.

YILUAN> smwarksmwarks. hahas. xDD =)))

HEZEL> arhs?? what you toking about. hahas. =.=

===============END==========

going ice skating tomorrow!!!
cant wait.

ohs and did i mention that i got a new earhole?
wakakas.
but now my ear freaking not even luhs.
my right ear has got 4 peircings and my left ear has only got ONE pathetic peircing.
coz the other two closed.
so i need to get my left ear peirced to make it even than im done lerhs.
=))) wahahas.

HAHA.
and so.
i have watched "step up" THRICE!
and im still not sick of it.
psycho. =X
oh wells. but its FANTASTIC.
i LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT. =)))

AND AND AND.
i have fallen in love with hip hop because of it. =))
i think i wanna learn hip hop dancing! muahaha.
but i used to want to learn sexy jazz.
oh well.
but my priority is still.. MY DRUM!! =)))

and i couldn't help but sneak glances at him during PE today.

i am beginning to despise myself.
how pathetic is that.

and so.
tuition was ALL about chem.
you might think HOW UTTERLY BORING.
woa. and i tell you..understatement of the year. LOLs.
but now, at least i get the gist of all the atoms craps and isotopes shit.
xDD

and i am so so tired.
and i am looking forward to FRIDAY.

AHA. and my ear still hurts.
but its better already.

and i still see your image everywhere i go.
and im still hopeful.

OH OH OH.
tomorrow is friday.
=)))

I LOVE FRIDAYS.
ahaha. xDD

TODAY was a freaking boring day.
=.=
nothing interesting happened at all.

AHAHA.
and i declare. i hate all DnT teachers. =.=
all the same derhs.
so GUAI LAN.
zzz. ROAR them.

ohs. and i din managed to study in school again. LOLS.
and poor jinlong has to go for tuition tonight.
with poor ming xuan. AHAHA
poor us. :(
oh wells. at least tuition is bearable.

had counselling today.
waste of my fucking time.
ROARs.
he can't even find out the source of the problem.
and i AINT telling him :)))
ahaha.

yao jian QIANG.

AHA!
and jon lim is telling me all sorts of crappy racist jokes now. =))
and he gave me the webby that mdm sue gave them to find our learning styles.
=)
and he just told me that it has been proven that people with bigger boobs are smart!!
hahaha.

stupid.

wakakas.
oh wells. and i just went to tag at shu fengs blog again.
i am becoming pissed.
really really pissed.
the craps that he actually writes.
GOD. and he thinks im a boy. :(
hahas. lets wait and see. if he wants to play. i am willing to continue this whole thing.
=))

and yea. so jon and me is discussing on the phone now. =))

ands. and im feeling so sicksicksick of everything.
i want things back to the past.
with the HAPPY jinlong. :)))
when the happiness comes from deep inside the heart.

if only everything can just end.
like right now.

TODAY was as normal as any other days can be.
=) which isnt really fantastic.
it just spells one word.
BORING.

oh wells.
but me and xuan did somethings though.
BAD. xDD
oh wells. who cares? xDD
i am beginning to get pissed at that ass...

and i was supposed to see mrs sim again.
but i did not.
hope she forgot all about it. :)

OH YES. and that NORRLYN CHOO pinched me today. :(
until blue-black.
SO PAIN. that stupid SLDB.
ROARS. :(((

the situation at home aint any better.
whatever.

oh.AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
im looking forward to PE.
lolls.

AND I THINK..
i have reached the end of my means.
theres nothing i can seriously do anymore.

it is hard.
i should just stop all this.

AND i spoke too soon.
yesterday sucked.
today wasn't any better either.
but oh wells.
enough of my nonsense.

and all my emo crap.

and yes.
today WAS a horrible day. i was right.
mrs sim asked to see me.
because of mdm yeo.
but oh wells.
mrs sim was nice.
better than usual. at least.
and she commented on my black bra. =.=
i laughed man. xDD

and we had FnN practical today. =)))
we made muffins. xDD
SUPER NICE. serious.
and it looked reali nice too. =)))

i guess thats all for today.

im sorry.

&& i am still doing it.
thinking of him that is.

im exhausted.
emotionally and mentally exhausted.

maybe i should just stop all my nonsense.

fuck lahs. nb.
FAMILY DRAMA .
chee bye.
first ever since the motivational camp.

u cry den win lahs.
ccb.
I AM DAMN FUCKING PISSED.
wah lan ehs.
first one to get hit by dad is me.
nb. i how old lerhs.
knn. everything always my fault mahs.
coz i oldest. so have to give in rite?
FUCK lah. crap lah hors.
knn. den she wat..throw my things correct ahs?

but i think i must have made dat bloody bitch reali pissed coz she suddenly shout FUCKER lah. chee bye. at me.
GOD. i laughed like fuck mans.
even though i was like super pissed.
imagine guai kia scold vulgarity.

this was like the first ever since the motivational camp.
first time ever since the motivational camp i shouted vulgarities at home.
first time ever since the motivational camp i hit my sis.
first time ever since the motivational camp i really quarreled with my parents.
and to think i thought the peace could last.
but i started everything again.

FUCK lahs.
my mum could tell something was wrong with me.
she ask me that day.." you 'shi lian' arhs"
i was reali fucking shocked.
she could tell.
at home.. i totally withdrew from everyone again lahs.
like last time.
what i was before the motivational camp.
i spent hours in front of the com and totally ignores everyone.

FUCK lahs.
i reali.. i don't know lahs.
Feeling fucking.. grrr.

im seriously about to burst from all the emotions inside me.

I made the environment at home tensed.
I made the atmosphere at home so FUCKED UP.
I I I.
it's me.
i think i am back to what i was in the past.
AM I?

anger knows no limits.
but regrets never ends.

everythings just going haywire.
and its my fault again.

everything just always is.
forget it.
and i aint being sarcastic.
i mean it.
EVERYTHING.

im sorry to disappoint once again.

TODAY was a good day. :))
nothing really bad happened.
but i think there will be some bad things happening tomorrow.
like miss kaur scolding me. :((
cause i did not hand in a SINGLE of her work.
IM SO SCREWED.
oh wells. :))

and norlyn sent me some super nice songs. :))
THANKS NORRR.
but that stupid bitch kept on making fun of me in class today. :(((
SHE SAID I HAD A BALD SPOT!!! RAWRS.
i don't lohs. than she called me LARD. :((
but miss wong was nice. (i think)
at least she did help me. :)) but she reminded me of how NERDY i was in secondary one. :((
HAHAHA

den me and ting and xuan and wee had lunch together.
:)))

den ting went for tuition. xuan went to wee's house and i went home to change. :)
CAUSE THERE WAS JAMMING!! *pheweets*
seriously missed those jamming session lahs.
it was FUN!!!
:))) so we finished at around 6 plus? and than we went for dinner at the roti prata place.
than we went home!! wahahas.
and being the kind gentleman hezel is.. he sent me home. :)) hahaha.

oh and yes.
emo talked with norrrrlyn today.
reali enjoyed it.
not in the sense of having fun.
but more like i think we really needed it.
THANKS NORR.

ohwells. actually,i think i shocked the hell out of myself also lahs.
i realised alot of things while talking with norr.
things i did not realise before today.
and i still remember the dates.
GOSH. ME? a girl thats so bad with numbers..

it hurts. it really hurts.
but what can i do?
everything i say,im just contradicting myself.

i think i am seriously fucking pathetic lahs.
GOD. i hate this situation.
i have to stop this.
i really have to.
i have got to have fun and stop stop stop stop thinking about him.
i can do it.
i MUST do it.
but i can't bear to.
i am scared that if i do.. and my thoughts of him actually fades..
my feelings for him will too.
URGHHH.
in a dilemma.

this fucking emotional turmoil is driving me crazy.

&& i was left staring at the card he gave with tears running down my cheek.
&& wondering what has happened to all the promises he made.

HEY PEOPLE!
im in a WACKY mood.
so PLEASE bear with me while it lasts.
which won't be for long. :(
hahas.

and so YEAH. baby.
i keep on msnsing random people.
HAHA!
and i say lame stuffs like ALL THE TIME.
hahas.
so i want to say IM SORRY to my VICTIMs. xDD
amongst them are... CHIA AH XUAN, LIM AH TING, NORRRRRRRRLYN CHOO, JONLIM, and so many so many others luhs.
oops.
HAHAHA. but seriously.
im like HAVING FUN.
but i think my victims are going mad. oops.
oh wells. :)
BYE BEAUTIFUL WORLD.
GOOD BYE MY FRENS.
and GOODBYE.. MMMYYYYSSSEEEELLLLLFFFFFFF. :)))))))))

PICSSSS. xDD

and its ME AND THE B'DAE GURL. :)

XUAN AND I AGAIN. :)

XUAN AND I. and my eeny weeny EYES. xDD

the mahjong so nice.. @ chun anns house. :)

poor kor had to squeeze his ass inside. xDD

okay. so i deleted the last pic. the one titled "thinking of him" coz norlyn choo said i was balding. :( and she laughed for 5 mins. thanks luhs. and i thought we were best friends. :(

AND AGAIN!
happy birthday YEO YEE TING. :)
no. LIM YEE TING.
gosh. im just so lame. :)

today was SUPER SUPER FUN!! :)))
we had a surprise for tingg.
first,we lied to her that kor had to go back to army LAST MINUTE and could not celebrate her birthday with her.
to make her super super pissed and sad.
than we went to her house downstairs.
we had already prepared a box big enough to fit kor in and we bought ribbon and wrapper and cake!!
kor also bought fresh flowers for her.
than kor went inside the box and "hide" and the rest of us wrap the "present" with the cake and flower inside.
after that me and xuann called ting to come down coz we were at her house downstairs lerhs.
AND THAT GIRL IS SUPER SMART LAHS>
rawrs. she suspected that we had already planned a surprise for her. so she came down by the stairs. =.=
hahaha. :)
but the funny thing was that she did not know what was the surprise. she was walking around looking for her LOVE and she couldn't find him. HAHAHA. she did not even suspect that he was inside the box.
we quickly ask her to open her present...and when she did, kor's hand and cake came out first. i think she got a shock luh. hahaha. :))))
it was super funny lahs. hahaha. than we sang happy birthday song. :))))
so nice. :))))

oh wells. i hope tingg had a memorable birthday. hahas.
although it was quite lame. but i think everyone had fun. and things went according to plan. :)))
feeling so happy. hahas.

oh wells.
and i think i am going insane. :((((
and i changed my way of typing luhs. i don't want to type like some.. i don't know..
RAWRs.
memories just come flashing back.
AND AND AND.
i think i deserve all this heartache im having.
cause..it was MY MY MY fault.
ohwells. whatever lahs. WHO CARES??
WHO GIVES A FUCK? :))))

ohs. and i read finish the book lerhs.
its reali damn good luhs.
SUPER sad. and i think i wanna read it again. :) and again. :) and again.
i like the storyline.
the plot.. FABULOUS.
and im just WAITING AND WAITING AND WAITING for the next HARRY POTTER BOOK luhs. :)

RAWRs. CHECK FOR SPELLING AND GRAMMAR AND VOCAB PLEASE. :))))
thank you.

&& i will just sit here. reminiscing about the past.

so just WALK RIGHT PAST ME,BABY.
coz im used to it.

WHEETS~~~

okay. so now, its like 1 plus in the morning.
i just reached home because i was out. watching a midnight movie!!!!
with my mommy and my sister. :D
and we watched the mr bean movie.
oh gosh. it was like FANTASTIC. hahaha.
it made me laugh like helllllllll. xDDD
LOVE IT LAHS. hahas.

and today was a fun day.
first i went to sun plaza. and i got the book i wanted. :))
For One More Day by Mitch Albom.
read half of it luhs.
its good. :) no wonder its a bestseller and so farking expensive too.
HAHA. but i don't regret the money spent. :)))
so after that we( tingg and kor) went to chun ann's house. and we met zhong shou they all at the bus stop.
at chun anns house , we played mahjong. :))
and i did not win AT ALL. RAWRS. tingg was the BIG WINNER. because lady luck was smiling down on her because it was going to be her birthday soon!!! wahahas.
SHE WON LIKE 5 SETS CONSECUTIVELY. :))
oh wells. those who knows me,knows i SUCK at mahjong lahs. hahaha.
and i saw STARS today. and i made a WISH.
den i left at around 9 to meet my mommy. :))
the movie was supposed to start at 11.30.
so i had like 2 hours plus to waste?? lols.
so i put that 2 hours to good use. by..... shhh** its a secret. :))

thats all for today bahs.
oh wells. anyways. i checked and i am pretty sure there isn't any short forms and spelling mistakes. :))
but please. still..HELP ME CHECK. :) hahas. thank you. :))

REPLY TO TAGS:

YEEWAN> :)) hahaha. yea!! LOVE YOU TOO!!! muahahas. xDD

YILUAN> hahaha. THANK YOU DARLING!! hahaha. LOVE U. xDD

AMES> hahaha. WAHLAOSSS. lame lahs. freshly baked cookies. hahaha. but true. :))) hahaha. thanx for tagging!!! :)

NORRRRRR> wahahahas. I AM SMART!! u called me smart?? *gasps* :) hahas. but still..thanx luh. hahaha. if not i wun have spot that mistake. :( smart biatch. :) hahaha. SO LOVE YOU lahs. xDD urghh. and i m feeling so insulted. NO!! DID NOT USE TRACING PAPER. RAWRSSSS. hahaha. :) LOVESLOVESLOVES!!!

CC> WAHAHAHA. thanx lah. xDDDDD hahaha. :)))

ZAC> hahaha. dun nid the fucking derh rite??? hahaha. but still thanx lahs. :)) hahas.

================END================

everywhere i go. i swear. i think of you every single second every single minute.
im missing you like hell every single second every single minute.
when i was playing mahjong. i was hoping you were there to help me.
when i was watching the movie. how i wished you were there instead of my mom and my sister.
how i wished we were still together and that things were like the past..
no. better than the past.
but it is fucking impossible. i noe.
everytime anyone teases me that i like somebody,
i can seriously tell them with certainty that no. i only like one person. and i will wait for him.

wondering what on earth is wrong with me.
HELL.
just fuck this lahs.

and i noe.. there will always be those awkward times,
when we look at each other, && remember how the past used to be.

god. will my dream come true?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YEO YEE TING!!!!!!!!!!
xDDD
SMWARKS YOU LAHS DARLING!!!
SWEET SIXTEEN!!!! stupid gurl. the first to become OLDER.
muahahaha. I LOVE YOU LAHS!!!!!! xDDDD
LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER> :)
wakakas. MY BABY. :D
X.T.L FOREVER!!!!! MWARKS!!!!!!!
<3333333333333333333333333333333333

oh gosh. i drew this. =))) feeling so proud of myself luhs. xDD =))
gosh. so BHB. xD but im shocked, it turned out better than i expected. =)))

oh and yes.
i peirced one more ear hole today. :)
HAPPY luhs. LOVE LOVE LOVE it. :)

school was fun today.
apparently because the bitch sitting beside me was HYPERACTIVE today.
:) HAD FUN IN SCHOOL luhs. :)
and im so screwed.
i have not hand in a single file. :(
and that stupid yeo wanted to confiscate my phone again. :(
WAHLAO. just fucking leave my phone alone for awhile lahs. :(
its ALWAYS my phone getting confiscated lahs. NOT FAIR. :(
RAWRS. i don't want to see mrs sim again luhs.
so damn irritating. hais.
i hate mdm yeo sai bin. :)

im losing that motivation i have lahs.
RAWRS. i am beginning to become lazy again.
i was supposed to hand in my lit w/s but i dd not.
even though i told myself i must.
oh wells. FAIL O"LeVeL LOHS. :(
kidding luhs. I WON'T!!!!!

should i smile because we are friends or should i cry because thats all we ever will be.

missing you like hell.

ok. WELL.
this is my very first post in PROPER ENGLISH.
i am trying ALRIGHTS?

for god's sake. i had to press the backspace button like FOUR times with that 3 BLOODY short sentence i typed. =.=

GOSH.
irritating luhs!

oh wells.
wasting my life away with regrets.
he is right. but what can i do?
i did not want it like this. RIGHT?
but it was all my fault..
like i have said so many times. if only i did not neglect him in the past.
if only i had learnt how to treasure him earlier before i actually lost him.
this seriously sucks. im blanking out in school.staring at imaginary spots. and just DAY DREAMING.
but these day dreams are what keeps me alive. what keeps me going.
but i cant continue like this everyday.
there has got to be a solution.
it just has not come to me yet.
give me time.
i will try.
TIME. i need time. but where on earth can i find the time i have once lost. and WASTED.
becoz i did not noe how to treasure something..somebody.

god.i think i am becoming seriously naggy luhs. forget it. i am just at a point of de javu.
where everything just repeats itself.

take me to your heaven? and just let my heart beat again..

just came back from tuition.
did loads of math today?
RAWR. brain is f-ing tired.
but im having fun. .
coz its all the basics rite now. and its just so easy.
:)

ohwells.
i like my new blog song. :)
although the lyrics just SO dun match luhs.
but oh wells. its just so nice. and ROMANTIC?
i was watching the ice-skating show and it was playing this song.
gawd. the performance was great. i can just SO see the LOVE between them lahs.
TOUCHING. oh wells. tis song is super nice luh.

REPLY TO TAGS:

YC> :) hahaha. thanks!!

CC> im gonna kick ur ass. i swear. :) hahas.

NORRR> DANCING. **shakes ass** :)

LESLIE> yes. thank you veri much. =.= hahas. :)

SHAUNA> rawr u lahs!! gosh. me and wei xuan? PUH LEASE! hahas. yes. i love him so so much can? =/ *ewww* ...

AMES> rawrs!! i got tag u lohs. hahaha. asshole. RAWRS. becoz ur NAME starts with the letter 'A'?? lame. hahas.

VAL> hahaha. thank you fren. :) everythings fine luhs. hahaha. xD

HEZEL> rawrs.. LAME. if u wan to say helo to ames go to ames's blog. hahaha. dumb ass. :)

NORRRR> hahaha. SLDB!!! yes. GROWN UP LADY. :) hahaha. THANX FOR REMINDING ME!!! hahaha. from now on im gonna post in PROPER eng. according to MY standards. =XX hahaha:) LOVE YOU TOO DARLING. xDD :) mwarks!

ALEX> idiot. =.= RAWRS... hahas.

=========END=========

SO NOW IM GONA BLOG IN PROPER ENGLISH!
IF NOT ITS GONNA AFFECT MY ENGLISH. RAWRS!
help me correct ALL my mistakes PLEASE. :)

thank you NORLYN! hahas.

i just blardy miss him so so much.

fark this.
my eyeliners running.

& my once stone heart has been broken.

all the empty promises.
i still keep in my heart.

everywhere i turn. its ur image i farking see..

im going under..

tears just cant seem to stop flowing.
it sarks. it reali sarks to see their love story ended like this.
poof* and its gone.
im sorry i wasnt of much help..

feeling reali hopeless now.
nd im just sitting here..
typing all this crap. and expects him to come back to me?
NO WAY.
no farking way. but wat can i do?
hahs. feeling so goddamn farking pathetic.

its just like the stained glass masaquerade all over again..

=))
sch was alrite today lohs. zzz. slept through most of the lessons.
but i handed in my math worksheet. for the first time in two entire years w/o being forced.
GOSH. super shocked lahs. actuali coz my tuition teacher went through it wif us. HAHA!
xD
me,xuan and chad pon art/com studies.. we left sch at 12.35. and nobody even bothered. oh wells. :) den we were slacking at 637 there. rawrs. hahas. and being the nice guy that chad was... he sent me to the bus interchange although he lives in khatib. xDD THANX CHAD!! :)

im still thinking of whether to drop art or not.. RAWRS. waste my mums money. but i reali dun feel like doing aniting...

nd xiuhui is seriously nice lah!! for gods sake. she brings things for us to eat everyday. goodies like MUFFINS. xD and things that she bakes. god. they are farking delicious ok??!!!! she is reali damn nice.. today she brought sandwhich. NICE!! :) and she even helped me to find recipes for my FnN o'lvl. seriously. i was like damn touched luhs. THANK YOU XIUHUI! :)))

came back home early just to watch FINAL FANTASY advent children.
GOD. its like farking nice lah!! thanx xav for lending me the disc. xDD
the show was reali farking good. it was like damn touching luh at the ending. and the fighting scenes was pretty nice. coz it showed their teamwork when they were fighting the big horrible monster.. and so mani pretty gurl nd handsome boys. i tink i like kedaj most. nd of course cloud. coz kedaj is so farking cute! hahas. xD

the next movie i wanna watch is HILLS HAVE EYES 2. :)
i watched hills have eyes and its GREAT! so im thinking hills have eyes two cant be any worse.

words will never be able to express the hopelesness i feel now.
im scared.
i cant cry when i want to. and can only smile.
it aint easy.
but im strong.
and im gonna try.

no. he isnt here. i checked.

SCH WAS FUN TODAY! =))
gosh. i said sch was fun?? hahahha.
was super super high today!!
cracked LAME jokes the whole day.
even danced during FnN. GOSH. scank..=X hahas.
nd i scanned my own hand! den printed the pics. waste the sch's ink. oops. =/
:) hahaha. i even stayed back after sch to do miss kaurs work. GOSH. onli did one compre though. but had fun. :) wif all my fellow bitches. wakakas. xD
we were noisy like hell lahs.hahaha.
but at least we manage to get one hmwk done? :))) hahas.

and tuition was fun as usual. :)))) hahas.
MORE GHOST STORIES!!! xD
oso. i think im beginnig to like math,physics nd chem!! :)
god. first time in my whole entire life! wahahas. xDD

ohwells.i can live through this. =))))
wahahaha.

``waiting for uu. :))))

oh wells.
just feel like saying a few things..
today was back to sch again. SERIOUSLY din felt like going lahs. rawrs. din want to wake up and go to sch at all.. so we went to mac. AGAIN. hahas. nd den tingg went home. lucky her. can dun go sch...chad came nd find us at mac.. so we slacked until 8.45 den go sch. RAWRS. couldnt adjust at all. FELT weird in sch. was yakking away the whole day. RAWRS. so sian.. but have to go. if not...rawrs...

ohwells. i HAVE to study.
i cant continue wif all F9s. farks. farking pathetic.

oh wells. im just contented living life like this.
living each day as it goes.

oh wells. best be HAPPY! nd ENJOY everyday.
but its kinda hard.
esp wen all my thoughts are filled wif images of him.
RAWRS.

forget it. feeling so pathetic.
hes the onli person hu can make me feel this way..

oh wells. :))) feeling so lame. hahaha. everyone hu toks to me on msn are dying. coz im just TOO LAME for words. hahas. xDD i keep on disiao everyone hu toks to me. oh wells.at least im ENJOYING myyself. :)

nd gosh. i reali think i nid to buy a new blouse soon. =))

i LOVE 4e'07 nd 2e'05!! muahaha. =)))))

suffering from writers block today.
coz its back to sch. nd my brain niids time to absorb reality. LAME! hahas. oh wells.
pitures speaks a thousand words.
so today im just gonna post pics. :)

suhui.. super cute huhs? xD

hahaha. my two darling. xD

me nnd isaac. xD

hahas. isaac,me nd qiang. :)

me nd xuan. wahahas. two drunkards. xD

me nd brent. xD super cool hair huhs? xD me nd qiang help him style derhs!!!! wahahaha.

me nd ben. we both look freaking retarded. hahas. xD

qiang, me nnd isaac. :)
nnd gosh. i look like im crying. hahas.im NOT! i was drunk. xDD

WAHAHAHA! i took this pic of isaac sleeping. im so proud of my phototaking skill. xD

isaac,me,xuan nnd qiang. muahahas. xD

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NORLYN CHOO.
wahahaha. GROW UP u bytch. xDD
i LOVE u!! hahas.
u will forever be my SLDB. xD
LOVES!!!!

cycling nd drinking ALONE is fun.
:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

i think i like the feeling of being drunk.
coz with the feeling of drunk. comes HIGH.
but NO. it doesnt help u to forget ur problems.
in fact if anything. i feel that it makes it worse?

when i was drunk..smhow i felt like i could control how i was acting.
instead of being dumb nd riduculous. i CAN be normal.
but i din wan to.
i wanted to just let go of myself.
nd wif the feeling of being drunk..comes the feeling of false bravado.
i did things that i dun normally dare. said things that i wun normaly admit.
even though i knew it was a NO WAY-er. nd NO CHANCE-er.
but i did it. even though i noe i will regret it in times to come.

so many blardy things are just farking happenning.
although i had loads of fun. nd pretended i din care.
it hurts.
it still hurts.
seeing them play like that. somehow..i feel..maybe they would have made a better pair.
nd i was a mistake.
well.. i was.
the first chance given to me.. i messed up. nd no second chance will come.

the whole time i was drunk. i could think.
and if anything..i think i thought more clearly than i could when im sober.
but wheni was drunk. i felt more alone than ever..
i thought about the past. nd how things have become.
everything is a mess. including me.
no. especially me.

it wasnt easy having to act normal. in front of everyone.
i just had to get out of that place.
nd somehow. that made it worse.

i reali din appreciate the digs that came at me.
u knew how i felt.
but to u it was like some kinda joke???
like hell. i was feeling messed up enuf..i din nid u to make it worser.
but hell. the worse thing was u din noe it hurt.
u nd him.playing.
OH GOSH. im jealous?
like hell. DUH. though i had no reasons to. i know fully well i dun have the rights to.
but..i still am.
nd i shldnt have bllame u for it?
but i dun think u knew.
maybe i shld have explained..
instead of sulking there nd giving u attitude.
but i din noe how.
nd i couldn't..
i din noe how to make myself not angry.
i forgot how to forgive.
maybe u were drunk.
but the things u said reali hurt.
nd it still does.
i keep on telling myself.
its ur unconscious mind talking.
but somehow..that made it worse..
coz it seemed like that was wat u oways thought about me..
nd the beer is helping u to say it out.
its not that i dun care?
but i was like farking drunk too.
nd anger made me wat i was nd still am.

and if anything.
it made me realise i want u more than ever.
but it hurts..
it hurts like farking hell to noe that it will NEVER EVER HAPPEN.
LIKE HELL.
all the ciggarettes wasnt there for attention.
it was for me to forget everything.
not that it worked though.

i think i messed up more than ever?
oh wells. i oways do..
nd u WUN care.

i think im dumb.
knowing full well that there wun be a second chance..
i was still so hopeful..that things were gonna be right again.
nd i dun think u care.

y shld u? or anybody else for that matter.

nd i know. if u ever see this. it will make u angry.
but theres nth i can do.
nd im sorry.
for the past... for everithing.

it was all a mistake from the start...
not mine but yours..
coz u shldn't have chose me.

&&~~PROMISES~~were meant to be broken.

ohwells.
came back from tinggs chalet.
actuali reached home at 11+ but then went to slp and woke up just now. lols.

tings chalet was fun fun fun.
but unpleasant things tend to happen.
nd oh wells.it happened.

FIRSTday:
muahahas. went to chunanns house early at around 11 plus?
was excited. xDD wen reached..we were all hyperactive.
muahahas. den wait until 1+ going to 2.. uncle(tings father) drove us to pasirris chalet. was reali squeezy. xD imagine..7 ppl in a car. wen reached.. went to prepare nd den started the bbq super early. ohwells. was super fun larhs.den more ppl came...
den suhui wanted to go swimming..so i brought them go swimming den awhile later.. auntie dey all came. den they swim awhile..den we go back. suhui is super cute cans?? :)
den ting nd xuan wanted to go swim. so i met them after i go send vivian back. muahahas. den we took alot of super funi pics. pontianaks coming out of the water...nd we quarreled wif other ppl. muahhahas. super FUN. hahas. den went back.. kinda forgot wat happen lerhs.. ermms... ok wells. den we played. nd played.erms. den qiang nd benjamin came. den we wanted to go red house..but alot of ppl dun wan go so..nvr go lohs.den we cut CAKE!! muahahas. i love yeetings cake lahs! hahaha. HER MUM is so cool. buy THREE cakes for her. two ice cream cake nd one blueberry cheesecake. xD. den later at around 5 plus.. we decided that it was ultra boring. so some of us decided to go red house. was pretty boring. coz we din go in. i din dare ok? RAWRS. it looked creepy.. nd there were MIST all around it. giving it that veri eerie feel.HAHA. oh wells. den went back to chalet..play games nd chit chat until 7 plus den we slept.coz tony nd rouhan leaving at that time. muahahas. den brent sleeping so farni..so we disiao him. WAHAHAS. ferran SNORES so blardy loudly. hahaha. brent oso. den we went to sleep..imagine. me,xuan,qiang,ferran,issac,brent on two single size bed nia. was damn squeezy. but super fun. hahas.

SECONDday.
woke up den some ppl were super excited to go wild wild wet.LOLs. so we went at around 12+? oh wells. was loads of fun. hahas. we played loads of things. den ting nd mark chong yi went back to the chalet.coz ting was excited to meet kor. hahaha. den the rest of us continue playing. den we suddenly lost ricky nd wendy. hahaha. so the rest of us continued playing. oh wells. me,xuan,qiang nd isaac enjoyed the kiddy slides best. hahaha. overgrown kids. xDD
IT WAS FUN FUN FUN!!! hahaha. den we went to the chalet swimming pool. nd met this reali crepy kid. gosh. FREAKED ME OUT lahs. nbccb. dumb can? oh wells. den me,xuan,isaac,qiang nd yeexuan was having so much fun playing the fool. muahahas. went back to the chalet. had a small nap. athough i slept for onli 20 mins. i woke up wif loads of energy.WAHAHAS. den eat abit. den drank. i got drunk for the first time in my whole life. lols. nd thats where loads of things started happening. shall elaborate more later bahs. after i come back from drum lesson. den wif the false bravado i had.. i forced them to go ghost tower. lols.i even wanted to go UP! RAWRS. thank god i din. coz no gurls wanted to pei me. HAHA. den after we walk back to the chalet. was feeling so empty. nd high? den went to play pool wif tinggs uncle nd chunann,soon lee nd zi jian. lols. PLAYED LIKE FARK. horrible.den me nd chun ann went to play at the arcade. wahahas. played basketball!! hahaha. nd daytona nd percussion master. had loads of fun. hahas. den went back to the chalet... nd sleep.

oh yars.. i woke up around 5 plus.. nd came to blog. den i realised.. no time to lerhs. so i save as draft. now just come back from drum lesson. lols.
the chalet was fun.
THANX EVERYONE hu made it possible.

wahahahas. kks. UPDATE. :)
ok. let me se. tues..whr did i go? wahahaha. erms. oh yar. i went to bugis. xD
bought a new top. yea. fun day. xDD at first me nd xuann at bugis shop alone derhs. den after that gilBERT come find us. wat a nice bird. xD ahhahaha. had fun that day..
den on wed. hmms.me nd xuan had tuition in the morning. then went to tings hse. then me xuann nd tingg went to causeway. wahahaha. coz ting wanted to buy presents. den xuan went to find her lulu. den me nd ting coninue to shop. den we went for lunch.. den GO HOME. den i reach home awhile den xuan call me nd ask me go the church thing. so i went. after the whole thing was over. we wen to meet ah wee nd da wei. GOSH. da wei PUT ON WEIGHT lerhs. xDDD FAT lerhs. wahahahaha. den we kp on laughing at him. xDwe go yishun park slack awhile den we went o ah wee hse. lalala. wait for shu juan nd mummy to come back dat time.. me nd ahboy play PS. WAHKAOS. felt so shiok man. playing those games i used to LOVe playing. tekken. xDDD king of fighter. nd DDR. den i tried soccer. becoz ah boy wanted to play mahs.gosh. scored own goal. pathetic. hahas. den wen we left it was oready 1;45 in the morning. den cabbed home. nd xuan stayedd over at my hse. xDD

i have long nails now. XDD but typing is so difficult wif long nails. alot of typo error. HAHA. but so nice.

gosh.
cant wait for tings chalet tmr. xDD EXCITED. hahas. :)

not a single day pass w/o thoughts of uu.
i miss u..

REPLY TO TAGS:

AMES> hahahah. thanx best fren. xDD

YILUAN> muahahas. <3>

babyPEI> hahaha. sori narhhs. xDD will link nd tag u. xDD :)

LESLIE> hahas. thanx alot.:) hahas. enjoy ur hols too! :)

NORR> i think i noe. :( but im not sure though... im here. PROMISE. <333

SHAUNA> wat happened to best fren? :( hahahaha. yes. im SAD for u. T-T why so ke lian???

NIGEL> hahaha. thank u! :) hahas. u oso gambateh. xDD

JESS> wakakakas. i will derhs Bytch.U TOO!! xDD i love u! hahas.

AMES> hahahaha. ok. THANK U!! :) hahas.

MEL> hahahaha. enjoy ur hols too! xDDD :)

XIUHUI> yea. i got my eng nd phy nd chem derhs. BUT NO MATH. T-T hahahahaha.

XUAN> i love u too bytch. hahas. THANX LOHs. zzz. :)

RUIWEI> shddup lah bytch. xDDD hahas. <3
========end=========

im sorry.

oh well. was too tired to blog yesterday. so came here today to update abit.
went to sentosa yesterday. me.ting.xuan. nd xuans bf,louis.
wahahas. had loads of fun. went there wif the aim of suntanning onli.
so we reached at around 12++ and left at 3++
now im prettt red ak over. but the redDEST has got to be xuan. xD shes so damn red lahs!! hahaha. me nd ting still quite ok. :) hen we went to vivo to walk walk nd eat. :)
at 6..lulu had to go to some chalet. so me.xuan n ting went to woodlands to watch movie. hahaha.
nd we decided on THE MESSENGER.
din regret. it was damn damn nice lah. hahaha.
its prettyscary though. nd nicely done.
i screamed my head off like nobody's business.
scream nd scream. LOLS.
imagine 3 gurls watching horror movie tgt. xD

dats all for yesterday?
going to bugis later on.
to get my pay. nd oso see if bras basar complex still has 10 yrs series. hopefuli.

bye. :)

reply to tags.

AMES> from u. xDD hahaha. if not hu else? hahas. xDD MOTIVATOR. jiayou!!!

NEVERLAND> rawr!! im not fat face lah. NINANA. :( ass.

NORRR> wats wrong babe?

YC. kks narhs. PROMISE. :)

NIGEL> RAWR. i repeat.im not fat face!!!! grrrrr. stupid ass. u oso got. HAHAHA. :)

XUAN> hahaha.huh? xD

susan> xDD thanks babe. mwarks. LOVE u <33>

trying to forget seemed easy yesterday.

puting a smile on was easy yesterday.

so y cant i do it today?

ohwell.
at least someone has just proven to me that miracles do happen.
just not to me.

things that she. no WE thought were impossible.
ended up happening.
hahs. but it happened too late. she has changed.
maybe if all the while...we hold on to the very very last shred of hope we have. does that mean that it will come true one day?
y is it that often wen we give up.. den it happens?

feeling so confused.
just wen i thought it was imposible. it came true.
overwhelmed.

My life. MY path. MY choice.

help me?

Just as a wave is lifted by the shore
then breaks across the slowly rising sand
so as i watch u weep my feelings pour
across the wash of what i understand
i wish i could just take u in my arms
and all your pains could melt into my chest
and au the violence of passing storm
could pass through me finally and come to rest
no words can set things rite or presence lend
a miracle to light ur darkened way
but there is solace in a loving fren
and comfort in what i dont have to say
wateva circumstances u canot bear.
just turn to me nd u will find me there.

found this poem.
reali meaningful. nd it depicts wat i wanna say to u.

im contradicting myself.
gonna stop all these useless emo-ing.
it aint gonna be of much use.
its alrite to be sad.
but its not rite to keep on living in the past.

smtimes we must get hurt in order to GROW
we must fail in order to KNOW
smtimes our visions clear only after our eyes are washed away with tears.

``NUMBed.__

=))))
the smile keeps me going on.
nd reminds me not everything will be lost.

~~ i will be waiting for u boy.
<33

woke up at 7.45 in the morning.
nd went to the gym. WOA.
gym nd jinlong dun go together. hahas.
oh wells. but it was fun.
went wif xiuhui. :)
was at the gym from 8.30 to 11.30.
but i think i onli spent one and a half hour ACTUALI exercising.
hahas. LAZY pig. xDD
but nonetheless. it was a gd workout.
but i think i put back on the calories with that fish porridge i had. hahas.
:)

sigh.
maybe i shldnt have.
coz u noe wat. things are changing between us boy.
things just arent the same animore.
things i have come to regret doing once again.

it hurts.

&& the broken promises noone bothers to keep.
its all the same.
always the same.

nd u noe wat.. it hurts.

``the scars. will fade.
but can never go away.___

din go to sch today.
woke up wif muscle ache all over.
nd the headache stil there.
slept like a pig all the way till 11.30. den woke up. bathe. nd went to sch.
to take my handphone nd book back.
den at the same time.xuan pass me my report slip.
FARKs.
horrible results. oh wells. ames nd randy owe me 1 buck each. coz i bet wif them i failed everiting.
thats the onli gd thing that came out ofit.
u seriously dun wanna noe how much i got.
blardy hell. i tink i beat the whole sch result.
all u gotta noe is i might veri well be the last among the whole level.
STUPID.
nb. u bet im angry at myself. i am.
i m so god damn farking ppisssed at myself.
hell. seriously. no ppoint lerh lahs.
its WASTED on me.
geddit.

this time. if im studying. it aint becoz i want to.
its coz im gonna farking prove to myself nd U that i BLAARDY CAN DO IT.

im speechless.
god damn it.
fark.
the last thing i wanna be is a failure. a loser..

words are wasted on me.
no amount of speech can get me working unless i wan to. nd i cant afford to wait animore.

IM SORII. to those i have let down.
im sorry mum nd dad.
i wonder how do i get her to sign that thing. that piece of shit.

gotta face up to reality. nd its just hitting me so hard.
everitings going wrong wrong wrong.
and its all my fault.

i love u.. ting nd xuan. thanx for everiting.
nd 4e. im sorry. about my crappy grades.
its time for me to buck up.
im sorry everyone.

Im having fever. lalalas~~
38degree celsius. :)
1st time sia.
quite cool.
but was feeling ultra ultra SICK.
zzz. headache. nd was sneezing nd coughing my blardy ass off. :(
oh wells. wats more i dun wan to miss sch tmr.
i nd to go to sch to find my o'lvl eng syllabus nd oso take my handphone nd storybook back.
hahas. :) hope tmr will feel BETTER. much much better. :)
oh wells. my head is kiling me so i m gona make tis short. :)

erms. today had tuition. MATH. :( zzz
oh wells. but it WAS ALRITE. lols. :)
i understood algebra? i could do algebra. :) oh wells. nd i had fun wif xuan.
but today whole day was HALF dead. hahas. :)just reached home.coz tuition ended at 10.30.
nd we went for supper. though i was god damn freaking tired. i was EVEN more hungry. hahas, PIG. xDD

REPLY TO TAGS:

EMILY> :) hahas. thanx gurl. :) hahaha.

YC> OK! :) hahas.

RITHRIN> YES GURL. hahas. i will. :) PROMISE. :) hahaha.

VAL> thanx babe. :) hahaha. LOVE U! :)

NIGEL> :) hahaha. thank you! nd the "golden hair" part is super disgusting. xDD hahaha. ASSSS. :) aniwaes im AIZAI dehrs. :)

AMES> lols. ALRITES ames. nd thanx. :):):) hahas. for loads of things. you too. hahas.take care. :)

NORRRR> i want to. but i cant. coz i oready signed the paper nd handed it in. nd i nvr write the letter. :( <33

DANNY> :) ok. i will. hhahas. :)

================END================

think thats about all?

oh wells.
i cant seem to control my feelings.

PULL me UP once again.
coz all im going is DOWN.down.down.

<3 u

take care everyone! smwarks. :)

being sick aint fun at all.
just now wen i reach my lift. i saw my mum.
i wanted to cry. LOLs. coz i was feeling so so terrible. nd her presence was just so comforting.
i love u mum.
:)

coughcough*
ahems. im sick norhhs. but still eating cotton candy. OOPS* xDDD
hu gives a shyt. hahas.
the cotton candy so fluffy nd soft. YUUMMSS**
:) dunm be jealous. hahas. now oso FnN.
lalalas~~
so sian. hais.
oh wells. my fever has gone down .:):):) disappointing. hahas.
but im still coughing nd sneezing my ass off. zzz.

stupid sam!! ninana. hahas.
i was playing the fool wif shimin nd emi..i was asking her y they looking at my frenster account.( not that i have one lahs. hahas. ) den i accuse her of looking at my boyfrens ccount.(not that i have one oso hahaha.) den dat sam lee say. u have BF mehs? HU WILL WANT YOU??? ninana. hahaha. fine i will remain an old virgin all the time till im 60. HAPI? hahas. stupid assESSSS. :)

i have cute clasmates. but im still the CUTEST.xDDD oops.* hahas.

im hapi wen im in sch. hahas. but the moment i reach home. my mind just starts wandering. maybe i shld blog in sch. then my blogpost wun always be so emo. hahaha. DUMBDUMb.
i m hapi coz i get to talk to my veri crappy FRENS. shit.im gonna get KILLED for this. :)
nd i get to di siaosiao. xDDD
gtg back to class lerhs. FnN finish lerhs. BUHBYE. :)

<3 u

lalala~hapihapi. :)

mr yip called.
LOL.
to tell me that i nid to submit the letter if i wanna drop art by tmr.
but i dun noe how to write the freaking letter. gosh.
HOW? unless my mum come down tmr? hais. im STUCK.
darn.

im messing up my life.
my own life.
wif my own bear hands.

im hurting.onthe inside.
im ready to surrender.
but noone will understand WHY.

oh wells. was just wondering.
this morning. i saw a baby.
DAMN ADORABLE. nd it was staring atme.
so i stared back. nd i smiled.
gosh. den it LAUGHED. hahaha. it was ultra cute can?
it reali made my day. seeing the cute adorable little baby laugh like that.
if onli i can start the day like this everyday. :)hahas.

OH WELL.
just wanted to say.
im sorii boy. sorri bout lotsa stuffs.
SORII. no.dun ask me why.
i just am.

gonna go zzz sooon.
feeling so so sick now. =.=
the panadol doesnt freaking work lahs.
feverish.
COOL. does this mean i dun have to go to sch tmr? LOLS. :) BYE everyone,

LLOVESeveryone. esp u boy. :)

im sick. :)
havent been sick in a LONGLONGLONG time.
just like my name. LONG. :) hahas.
oh wells. feeling terrible. but still bearable.
taking mani damn pills just to keep my pounding headache away.
oh wells. i sound excited. hahas.but im not. trust me.

oh wells. i cant drop art. =.= coz i freaking signed nd handed in the paper oready.
NINANA lahs. hais.
but i can not do nd not hand in aniting. thats one option. but its such a waste of money. =.=
fark lahs. hais.
maybe i shld tok to my mum..

feeling so darn confused.

im beginning to face up to my fear. :))
i dare to look him in the EYES now.

CONFUSED.

ohgawd..
now my storybook oso got confiscated.
by miss kaur. oh wells. im so DEAD.
just miss my hp so much. LOLS.

REPLY TO TAGS:

XIUHUI> :) hahahaha. hey GURL! thanx alot. hahas. my jokes are not crappy. xDD they are FUNI. :) kidding. oh wells. guess u are rite. but i dun dare to go see her until i finish my coursework. lols. gonna try lerhs. :) tmr got FnN. nd im still lost. i dunno wat to do. hahas. DIE. thanx gurl. i noe now. :)

YC> :) hahas. u too. :) lalalas~ i am.

KHAIRUL> :) i din say u said. i told u im NOT. :) hahas. URGHH. !$(*#(%!($()#*&%# lahs.
i can nd will slim down. :)

XUAN> i LOVE U I LOVE U I LOVE U I LOVE U. hahaha. :) mwarks.

NIGEL> LION. hahas. coz im FIERCE> hahahahaha. :) stupid ass. xDD

SHAUNA> YUMM~~~ nice. :):):) hahaha. delicious. hahas.

ZACSON> LINKED. :)hahas.

NORR> i wan to!! but i cant. coz i have no confidence in art. oh wells. explain more to u tmr. :) hahas. LOVE u. y din u go to sch today? hahas. :) miss u lots.

===============END===============

missing u loads boy.
<3

i just hope im not making awrong decision to drop art.
i just hope that i can do it for FnN.

i just hope that things will be better.

ohs. nd btw. thanx.
if u din wanna go. JUST FARKING SAY.
dun niid to do this kinda things.
it HURTS. alrite?
fark yous.

ohwells. its the PAST. RITES?
u guys kp on telling me to WAKE up. nd MOVE ON.
but look at whr i m now.
it aint any better.

ohs.
starting tuition this THURS.
fark mans. abit pek cek.
but w/o tuition. i will be FLUNKING every single possible subject.
and i have thought THROUGH. i guess im dropping art.
not coz i dun like it. in fact. i LOVE it. but i cant do it..
coz i have thought it through real carefuli. i have made sure i wun regret this decision.
im real afraid though. becoz art is a reali unpredictable subject. nd its difficult to say. i cant use it as a backup. becoz i am NOT doing the coursework. i guess it would be best to forget about art. nd focus on others? at least i have one less sub to stress about. lols.

HOLD ME THROUGH. coz im BREAKING DOWN.

would u believe that i m stresed about Os?
i wun.
gosh. wong jin long. xDDD smtings wrong.

went to gelare again today. hell. if this continues.
im seriously gonna become one FAT BITCH. lols.
i found out i put on 3 kg today.
oh mans. time to lose some weight.
at least im taller. (im just trying to comfort myself. hahas. :) )

returned my phn to miss kaur today. hell. im missing my phn like hell.
hais. stupid. can onli get it backlike on FRIDAY. farks.
miss kaur. pls cut some slack lahs. zzz.

bought a new winnie the pooh cup today.
LLOVES it. :)

oh yea. nd rmb wat i ssay bout how i wld try to bear wif mrs heymath?
well.there wasnt any of her lessons today. so.. i m gonna try HARDER tmr. i SWEAR. :)

missing u like hell.

tmrs wed. just help me through 3 more days. nd its the hols. :) PHEWEETS.
CANT WAIT> lolllssss. i wanna go shopping alone. but i cant w/o a hp. becoz i wun be able to contact anione if i get lost. LOL. nd i dun like tat feeling. so shopping alone just gotta wait.

im so so tired. just not physically.
god. just don't know what to say anymore.
CONFUSED. nd thats an understatement.

im snapping at every single thing. including my parents.
im sorii.
i just keep on shouting my head off at them.
i can tell they are making an effort to treat me better.
i noe they are trying to bear with me. with these past 3 days?
im sorry mum nd dad.
im trying.

i think im beginning to understand.

REPLY TO TAGS. :)

NORR> :) hahas. thanx alot babe. :) APPRECIATE IT LOADS. =)))

XIUHUI> hahaha. YES! wif u here. no devil will dare to bully me. xDD hahas. AI NI.

KHAI> alrites. u are SMART. :) hahas. ohwells. hanx for that day out, hahas. IT WAS FREAKING GREAT. nd im not racist. :) hahas.

MEL> :) hahas. thanx bitch. xDD

NIGEL> :) hahaha. OF COURSE. xDD u first day noe me arhs? xD

SHAUNA> :) WAHLAO EHS. i NOT octopus. im NOT blur oks? :) im ALERT. nd im a LION. coz im FIERCE. RRRAAAWWWRRRRHHH. :) hahas.

AMES> hahas. :) give it some time. wen i first switched it had some probs too. BEAR WIF IT> :) hahas. it will become better. :)

MEL> OH GOD. for the LAST time. im not an octopus. :) hahaha. u guys dun NINANA ok? :):) hahaha. stupid asses.

NIGEL> YAR LAHS!!! zzz. im not an octopus. :) hahas. i got two hands nd two legs like LIONS. hahas.

AMES> dun T-T i will still tag ur board. xDDD coz i like ur posts. THEY ARE VERI MOTIVATIONAL. :)

===========END=========

now i noe wat it feels like.

lalalas~~
=)))
i DUN CARE.
lalala. just gona stay hapi. :))

for MY darling gurl.
im sori babe. i PROMISE neva to do it again.
SUMPAH. xDDD. i harts uu!!!! smwarks.
u WERE nd IS appreciated my gurl. smtimes our points of view are different..in fact veri different. but lets sort out our differences babe. lets try to understand each otherMORE. kks?
im sorry to disappoint u gurl. I LOVE U. :))))

today went to town at nite. all i bought was a belt for my own. was supposed to be shopping for muhh frens b'dae present. :))) but couldn't find aniting appropriate. hahas. AND like i said. its TOWN. so LAME stuffs happens all the time. hahas.
went to the library first. oohs. borrowed these books. nd they are DAMN nice.ADDICTED. xDD. its GREAT. hahaha. cant stop reading. :) well..except to blog. hahas. :)

hmms. today is sch.
nb. BUAY TAHAN that john lim.
stupid assssss.
zzz.
waste my time. tok so much cock den bring us c mrs sim.

den tat MRS HEY MATH oso.
make me so god damn blardy du lan. i just walk out.
ohwells. dis cant continue. I SWEAR TMR I WILL BE MORE GRACIOUS.
alrites..have to try. LOL.
felt kinda bad after dat though.
zzzz.

today quarreled wif babe twice?
hais.coz of the same things.
its my fault though.
IM SORRY.

its ok. im alrite.
Remember..
WONG JIN LONG is AIZAI derhs. =)))))))))
hahaha. NOT LYING. xDD

LOVES. :) <3

ohs. nd my SLDB. thanx for ur comments. :) LOVE U TWIN. xDD. :) mwarks..

finished drum lesson. nd came back.
was fun. DUH. lols.
wen was it ever not?
hahas
aniwaes. practised guns nd roses.
farking difficult.
but FUN. :)
den after dat went to take dinner wif mum.
was rusing to go home.
felt uneasy.
DUMBdumbDUMB.
was afraid she will be worried.

would she be?

im beginning to doubt everiting.

waiting for the booster camp.

over reacting.
yet again.

MY MUM ND DAD. :)

me nd my sis. xD

me. emoing at stairs. :)

PRI SCH gathering. :)

mei you tong nian. :))) hahas.

REFLECTIONS. =))

HAHA. yeo yeeting wen she was YOUNG. xDD cute sehs. :)

posing wif GEOFFREY the giraffe. :) wif STUPID KHAIRUL. :)

JONS B'DAE. :)

hahas. :) "BEER"-addict

shawns OH-SO-BEAUTIFUL pose. hahas. :)

hahaha. how GAY. xD

DROPPED bowling pin. hahas.

JON! xDD

I LOVE this GURL. nd that pose. :)

all that was left of the beautiful cake... :)

JONS beautiful b'dae cake..

GROUP PIC. xD

ME nd the B"DAE boy.=)

=))
wateva
hahs.

=)))
WATEVA.
hahaha.

im DUMB.
hahas.

ohwells.
time to lose weight. hahas.
nd SAVE MONEY.
xDD. coz im broke. hahas. been spending LOADS. nd LOADS.
all my hongbao money i gave to my mum nd dad.
onli kept the ones that my mum nd dad gave. :)
aint i a little angel.
LOLS. kidding.:) dats the one thing i will never be. =))) i noe it myself.
hahaha
oh wells..
:)

i cant do this. im back to being myself again.

i hate this. farking absolutely hate this.
i dun like the feeling of being so damn useless.
as if. icant control it.
hahas. im a DUMB BYTCH. xDD

=)))))
``the STAINED GLASS MASQUERADE_____#

im SORRY
knowing the truth hurt.
alot.

im sori.

having to pretend it din.
was easy.

no.it LOOKED easy.

but fark hell.it ain't.

boy.im sorry.

today went to vivo. for a PRI SCH OUTING. lols.
had loads of fun.
watched ROCKY BALBOA 6.
GOSH. it was farking gd.
hell. that movie rawks ass.
i wun mind watching it a 2nd time. (esp wif u,boy. :) ) its a freaking gd movie. :)
I LOVE IT> hahaha
yeeting came along too. hahaha.
though shes not frm the same pri sch. but wif her there it seems more fun.:)
hahaha
it was damn fun lahs. hahaha. peggie,sebastian, nd khairul. ahhahaha. thanks alot. :)
hahaha
had loads of fun man. shopping nd playing the fool. :)
sebas nd khairul was damn fun to bully. =X me pegg nd tingg was BULLYING dem like hell. hahaha. :)
sorii lahs. xDD

was msging boy all the time.
hahas.he was entertaing me like hell. hahas.
thank you LOADS. :):)
LOVE u.
hahas. :)

u guys shld watch ROCKY 5.
im serious. it RULED. was damn touching the movie.
:) i understood wat was winning.

nd again. thank you guys. i reali appreciate u guys for making an effort to tag. nd actuali support me. THANK YOU.
i LOVE all MY FRENS. :):):)
mwarks.

WINNING IS NOT ABOUT HOW MUCH U CAN GIVE. but how MANI PUNCHES U CAN TAKE BEFORE U FELL DOWN.

LOVE DAT MOVIE. :)

OH GOSH. just came back.
nd saw all the tags.
oh my gawd.
i was so DAMN TOUCHED.
hell. my gawd. thank you veri veri veri much everyone.
thank you all for being so damn supportive.
hell. im feeling so guilty now.
for ever feeling like giving up.
oh my gawd.
THANK YOU VERI VERI MUCH.

NIGEL> hahas. thanx. :) will derhs.

ALEX> :) hahas. thank you lahs. :) i oso nvr let EVERYBODY noe. :) onli coz u come my blog. xDD.thanx arhs. hahas.

YC>:) hahas. u too. hahas.

SHAUNA> thanx alot best fren. :) reali grateful. hahas. i WILL DERHS. :)

MELISSA> :) thanx babe. hahas. i will derhs. promise. :)

XUANN> HAHAHa. thanx dARLING. :):):) thank you for everiting lahs. :) hahaha. i m reali grateful for ur encouragement. i LOVE u. :) smwarks. thank you for everiting. i will think through things derh. i will try my best. u oso must study hard kks? :):) hahaha. LOVE U. mwarks. i will oso oways be there for u. :) mwarks darling. i love u.:)

AMES> hahaha. thank you ames. :) hahaha. i will derhs. nope i havnt attain tat 70% yet. hahas. i will try though. :) hahas. thank you veri veri much. :)

NIGEL> hahaha. u jealous isit? xDD hahas. :)

NORRR>> SLDB. hahaha. thank you. I LOVE U TOO!!!! :) mwarks.

AMES> hahas. thank you. :) veri veri muhc. we are oso behind u ok? jiayou. hahas.

PEGG> hahaha. thanx babe. i oso had fun today. :):) hahaha. thank you veri much. :) LOVE U. :) mwarks.

NIGEL>i noe u are JEALOUS. xDD hahas. later sure will flood ur blog derh.=X u DIE. :)

THANK YOU MY FRENS.
im reali grateful.
hell.
i reali duno wat to say. but im reali grateful nd touched. :)
THANK you all. :) i LOVE U GUYS>
mwarks. :)
hahas. i WILL StUDY HARD> i promise. even if i fail this time. i will noe u guys are oways there. THANK YOU.

eternally grateful..
JINLONG.

came back from causeway.
yum. great dinner at JACK's PLACE.
putting on weight. =(((
time to lose weight. xD
bought new jacket.XD
nd a new hp pouch.winnie the pooh. :)
nd oso a new hp EAR PIECE. :):)

tmr have pri sch gathering.
quite nervous.LOL.
but quite excited.
hahas.
i noe im lame. xDDD
hahas. :)

i REALI REALI duno wat to do animore. =((
reali confused.
i just wan everyone to be hapi i guess. i wld rather he be hapi. =))
nd i forget about everiting. =)))
coz im in the wrong here.
maybe i shldn't have.
im sorii.

been doing real stupid things lately.
dumbdmbdumb.
cant seem to make decisions for my own. properly.
DUMBDUMBDUMB.

im sorii boy.
i LOVE u.
u are ever SO SWEET. =)))))

confused nd overwhelmed.
i canot take it animore.
its time once again..for the STAINED GLASS MASQUERADE.
=)))))

BLEEDING.

i give up. :)
i can never do it.
HAH!
as if i ever could.
NO WAY.
im just not strong enuf.
im sorry.
THERES NO WAY TO END THIS.
fark this. i hate myself.

bleeding.

dreaming.

whrs dat passion used to go?
the passion i had for the things i once loved doing so much.
my drum..
my drawing..
i havent touched my sketch book for... ages?
i have no more confidence. i cant draw. i cant play the drum. nd most of all.i wunbe able to forget.
IM SORRY.

i cant study either. yesterday stay up till so late.
told myself i was studying. well..at least i tried to.
but todays test.. FLUNKING IT AGAIN. farking mind WAS BLANK.
wateva.
wateva i do its USELESS.

im sorry.

FORGIVE ME.

my head is saying "fool.FORGET HIM."
but my heart is saying"DON't LET GO."

i wish my heart could beat.

BLEEDING.

im studying now. for physics nd for SS.
ohGOSH.
SHOCKED?
yea.me too. LOLs.
1st time. im actuali studying for a test. but i realise. if i take bit of time each day to study.
it aint hard at all.
ohGOSh.
all this coming out from my mouth. LOLs.

nd i keep on listening to HERO as im studying. LOLS.
=))))))))))))
*crazy about that song. hahas.
=))))))))))))

studystudystudy.

nd i love weijian lurhhs. HAHA. so gd. he offer me free tuition. xDDD
smmore he working nd onli got wed nd sun off. den he wan sacrifice one of his free day give ME tuition. HOW GREAT. am touched lurhhs.
wat a GREAT COUSIN i HAVE. :)

STUDYSTUDYSTUDY. :) buhbye.

OHWELLs.
today after i blog finish during FnN. i went to do my test.den fell aslp. =.=
hahas :) slacker..
today was a free nd easy day? slack nd slack. hahas. :)

i survived the day w/o my hp. :)
JIAYOUJIAYOUJIAYOU. hahas.

im in love wif the song HERO. hahaha.
i KEEP ON singing. nd ZAO XIA-ing too.
hahaha. :) my classmate must be damn sick of that song lahs. hahas. xD
den today during assembly. mdm sue was playing HERO. so they were like JINLONG. hahaha. so i SANG. :) hahahaha. horribly. hahas. :)
thank u my frens for enduring my CRAPS. xDD

ohwells.
mr ang is RIGHT.
mdm sue too.
after the motivational camp..
we were all hyped up nd ready to give our 100%. but a few days later...
it died.
whr has that motivation gone?
like xuan says.. along wif danny.
which i think its quite true. :)
nvm ppl!! we CAN do it. we MUST do it.
for our O's. :)
SMWARKS EVERYONE!!! LOVES. hahaha. :)

nd yar. i guess.
no matter how m,uch i hate that teacher.
it aint gonna help me pass my O's if i kp opposing them.
so i guess..its time to start working on my aattitude. :) YEA? YEA! hahas
nd its quite hard on them too.

so mani things i wanna say.
but i just cant find the words.
i guess. im sori.
there doesn't seem to be aniting i can do at all.
dun so sad sad lerh narhhs.
i noe its not easy AT ALL.
but since u have oready TRIED ur BEST.
so wat else can u do?
JIAYOU kks?
if u reali wan to. im veri sure..the relationship will work. :)
JIAYOU!!
nd DUN FAKE HAPI. hahas. understnad mahs? :)

*CRAMPS* lols. in pain. zzz. fark THAT time of the month.

:):):) smling.
:):):):):) nd will kp smiling.
coz im sure things will look UP someday.
WAITING.
nd waiting....
but im sure that smday.. i will realise its worth it. :):):)
*its difficult to keep going on like this*
but im trying.

REPLY TO TAGS:

NIGEL> hahas. wateva!!. :) i can still WALK. xDD

LESLIE> hahas. THANX for tagging. :) BOY.

XIUHUI> haha. yar lah yar lah. veri TOUCHED. xDD> :):)hahas.

PAM> @!(#$*!@@%&!(*#!@ i DIN. hahahaha. LOVE u gurl.:) u ASS.

PEINI> :) hahaha. thank you!! hahas.

NIGEL> dun ACCUSE me. :) hahaha. i NVR ok? xDD im sucha angel. how can i do this kinda things?

RITHRIN> hahaha. THANX BABE> :) LOVES u. hahas

AMES> hahaha. YEA.:) hahas. to bad. i dun forgive u. xDD

HEZEL> @#($*@#&%(@#*$(#@&%(@$*&@(*. wateva!! hahaha. i got HIGH SELF ESTEEM. i dun care wat u say. xDDD. :):)

JS> IM SORII. hahas. my HANYU PINYIN SARKS can? hahas. im sorii. :):)
thanx for taggin. xDD

------------------END-------------

:) HAHAHa.
p/s. i was damn touched yst. :)
becoz of HIM. xDDD

THANK YOU.

BYE EVERYONE. :) dun miss me. :) hahaha.
<333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333
enuf love to last till the nxt time i blog. xD :):) bye.