i think humans are so conflicted sometimes.
i find it really difficult to get a hold on my feelings and just let it go.
but its just so hard.
all the selfish feelings. the negativity.
i hate it all.
i want it to just go away. but its so difficult to.
if only i could say what i think about this in his face..
but on the other hand, i dont wanna lose a good friend.
he's being so so selfish.
why cant he EVER learn?
and she, so contradicting.
saying something now and yet, saying another a while later.
and being such a total uncaring bitch.
so many things we can NEVER voice out about.
our unhappiness.
i know this is going to be one big childish post..
but for once, how good it would be if everyone could throw that mask away.
and everyone just love each other and be friends.
but on the other hand, how can we love another after we know what he or she truely is?
likewise..nobody will like you.
right.. dont get what i say then forget it.
ITS SO MADDENING. SO FRUSTRATING.
this post is alittle too agressive i guess.
a far cry from the post just before this.
but i can't help it.
after i pressed publish for the previous post and i re-read it, i felt a heavy stone in me.
i need to get the heavy stone out..
sometimes i get really angry at myself though.
for thinking such stuffs of people i genuinely love and treasure.
then i start doubting myself and everything.
maybe im the one at fault. that im not a good friend.
its so difficult to live a life.
just a life.
it doesnt need to be special. it doesnt need to be ordinary.
it just has to be normal.
ordinary and normal is different.
maybe it isnt any different to some.
but to me,it is.
and before i go.
IM NOT FREAKING EMO-ING LUH.
i am not thinking of suicide or smoking or drugs.
these are purely what i think.
if you dont agree with it,i dont really care actually.
but if you really wanna voice them out, the tagboards always available.
and im sorry to be hitting such a negative post on you befre leaving for taiwan.
im sorry.
i really am.
just that once in a while...
things start building up in you so much that you start feeling that you might burst..
maybe i will not publish this post.
maybe i will.
shall just see.
JINLONG,