but the thing is.. i always forget how good it is when im not there.
make me go. and when i come back i will be in awe of the word again.


and when i really need to find someone to talk to.
I CAN'T.
HAHAHA
so ridiculous.
and i am so yearning for a drink.
but when people sees this, i'm gonna get reprimanded again.
seriously. *pouts*

im feeling reckless suddenly.
reckless in the sense that i can write whatever i want here and not be bothered.
but i know i've got to control what i write.
cause i wont want to quarrel.
but im just feeling so pissed.
some of the angers directed at me.
no. make that MOST.
because i could have gone with norrrlynchoooo.
but i gave up the chance to.HAHA.

and its not moodswing anymore.
I KNOW I DO HAVE THE REASONS TO BE INDIGNANT.
that, my readers. was a reckless statement.
maybe she might flare up.
maybe she might feel apologetic.
but im dont really have the energy to care anymore.
and tomorrow,maybe when im more awake, i might regret these few sentences i have written.
but by then it will be too late.
but since i know the consequences,you might ask, then shouldn't i erase these sentences?
NO. cause its what i feel. and i need to get at least 1/10th of my freaking !"£(*F%&")U(*£C$("K*£I&$N!)"G*$£"(£*&% emotions out before i really tear my hair out and go bonkers.
and trust me. this is only 1/10th.
the other 8/10th is directed at me.
HAHA
Im seriously frustrated at my STUPIDITY.
NOOO. im not going to elaborate.
its something for me to ponder on ALONE.
food for thought. only its not HEALTHY.
HAHAHAHA.

but at the end of the day.
i know its even MORE NOT HEALTHY.
to keep on thinking about what MIGHT happen if i went.
you see. its always like that.
we focus so much on what MIGHT have been that we forget what IS.

so i guess i just want to say that.
i am truly really giving up for the last time.

AND.
no matter what,
i still love you chia ming xuan, yeo yee ting, norlyn choo, cynthia neo and how wei ling. (:
HAHA.

so i wrote so much things and its still back to the starting.
NOPE.
actually one things changed.
and that is. i have truly really given up.
HAHA.

so actually, the front parts ARE pretty redundant.
BUT.. they NEED to be there cause i only managed to de-stress after writing that one whole chunk of redundant craps. (:
HAHA.

although it still needs time getting used to this part of me gone.
but trust me.
i'll be back on my feet before anyone can guess. (:

AND norrrrlynCHOOOO.
ONE BIG THANK YOU.
HAHAHA. i owe you. (:
you might be the only one to understand what is written here. HAHA
LOVE YOU. :D

and isaac, if you see this..
IM SORRRRY.
i would have loved to go.
SORRY. and thanks toooo. :D



HAHA.
trust me.
theres more i can say.
but i wouldn't want to chunk one whole part of me on you suddenly.
HAHA.
first time (i think) that i feel so good after writing a blogpost.
and first time( i think,again) i finally realised how good it is to just yak and yak non stop. on my blog of course. if you knew me in person, you would know that im not a quiet person. and thats an understatement. HAHAHA
ok. enough of me laughing at my own stupid and 'dont make sense' jokes.

my heart feels so much lighter.

maybe i should keep a diary..in addition to the blog. :D
i will think about it.